I was recently asked an interesting question – something that I had not really pondered before then. A family member asked me if we thought we would ever tell our children that they were conceived through IVF. My initial reaction was that no, I probably wouldn’t tell them since if they had been conceived in the back of the Chevy or on a white sand beach they wouldn’t have that information either. But, as I began to think about it I revised my opinion.
our children know from the time that they can remember that they are adopted, and special, and chosen. My husband was adopted and he was adamant that it was one of the best things his parents did, never keeping the information from him and ensuring that it was just something that he always knew so that it never came as a shock or surprise. If we had pursued the use of donor eggs or sperm we also had discussed that we would want the child to know that although we were the parents, they also had biological parents and a different health history that came with that. This, too, was knowledge that we wanted them to have from as early as possible.
So, why is telling them about IVF so different? I think because there is not a reason for them to have that information if donor eggs, sperm or embryos are not used. IVF using the sperm and eggs from the male and female partner means that the process really boils down to just a high tech method of conception, the basics of which can be covered in the “birds and bees” talk. I will definitely tell my children how much they were wanted and are loved, and when they are old enough I will probably also tell them that we had trouble conceiving – and will let their age and interest dictate how specific that conversation gets.
I am not ashamed of utilizing fertility treatments to conceive and don’t want to hide the information – more I just think that it is kind of a non-issue until the information is more need to know. If my daughter has trouble conceiving I hope to be a comforting and empathetic ear who can give advice (albeit hopefully severely outdated), and I want my son to know that we will never pressure him into producing a grandchild and why. One benefit of sharing the information is that it really shows your kid how much they were wanted and how far you were willing to go to get them here – but I am really hoping that my love and parenting will do the talking about that particular subject for me.
Related posts:
