Social Surrogacy – New to Me

July 13th, 2006
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I just read on www.adopting.org about an option called social surrogacy. This is where a couple decides that they want a biological child, but do not want to go through the rigors of pregnancy. There is are normally no medical issues causing the decision, only social ones. Like “too busy, the pressures of commitments, a career based on looks, etc.”

As I’m thinking about this, my main question going through my mind was, would this have been an option for us? Of course, now that I know what pregnancy entails and my body has already been branded by motherhood, what would the point be? Of course, being an adoptive mom as well, it was very enjoyable for me to leave the physical changes behind, yet still ending up with a perfect baby Bec in the end.

Before we ended up pregnant with Ivy, pregnancy and all of the morphing that the human body goes through with it, were enchanting to me. Mythical and fantastical. I couldn’t wait to join the club. But again, there was a shadow side of fear and uncertainty. How would I be at coping with the changes? Really how difficult could labor be? If the money would have been available, would I have opted out? How would Chris feel about the whole thing?

If I would have missed out on the pregnancy part of Ivy, I know one thing that really would have been skewed for me. My work schedule. At the very beginning of my pregnancy I was working about 10 massages a week. By the end of the pregnancy due to my size and my endurance, I was down to 5 per week. After she was born, I started back at 4. Now with the two kids I’m down to 2-3 per week. I think that the pregnancy allowed me a natural physical progression to cut back gradually, to also gear me to a schedule of spending more time at home as opposed to the time at work.

At the end of the article the question is asked, should the surrogacy option be limited to only those with medical problems? I’ll have to think about this in more depth, but my original opinion would be, No. But I’m sure that I could think of reasons to side both ways. I just know that now in hindsight, this wouldn’t have been the choice for me. But I can think of a few couples that we know that it may have benefited.

The complete article is at http://www.adopting.org/adoptions/social-surrogacy.html

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3 Responses to “Social Surrogacy – New to Me”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Wow, I don’t know, I think this is really reprehensible. I would say it should be limited to medical emergencies only because if a couple can’t deal with unpredictability, physical discomfort and all the other inconveniences of pregnancy, then I don’t think they should be signing up for parenthood, which is a lifetime of the same.

  2. Anonymous Says:

    I think Susan has some really good points. Sure it might benefit some couples, but, I wonder that it might not create issues for the surrogates. I have to imagine that eventually some of the surrogates might not end up with the regrets, etc. that many birth moms do.

  3. Anonymous Says:

    With all due respect to all the folks who read these blogs and struggle with infertility… not meaning to compound your pain… but I found pregnancy to be magical. I think it was the coolest thing to have a life growing inside me, to be responsible for taking care of that life when no one else could. Yes, I had plenty of discomforts, but they were nothing compared to the joy of expecting a child. I agree with Susan and Jan… I think this idea sounds pretty bizarre… “social surrogacy”. Sounds very selfish, and there is no room for selfish in parenting.

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