Today a friend of mine who has struggled with secondary infertility for six years gave birth to a healthy baby boy! The event prompted me to think back on our many conversations about trying to conceive and how afraid and scared we were to try IVF. My overwhelming wish throughout that time was to just finally get pregnant naturally and not have to “pull the trigger” and try in-vitro. As I remembered these thoughts and feelings I was shocked at the realization that now that I look back at my fertility journey I am actually glad that we moved on to IVF. That is definitely not something that I ever thought I would say, think or feel! In fact, to this day I still maintain that we will never do fertility treatments again even when I am grateful that we finally decided to give it a go at one time.
One obvious reason for my gratitude is simple – two amazing, miracle babies. The other may not be so blatantly evident – my thankfulness for the kind of wife, mother and friend that I am due in large part to infertility struggles. Thanks to infertility I am a better wife. I better appreciate how supportive my husband is and feel like our relationship has grown and deepened because of everything we have gone through toegether. Thanks to infertility I am a better mother. I am more patient, and cherish every moment and every stage (or at least try)more than I probably would have had I not had to wait so many years. I am a better friend. Through infertility I truly know what it is like to hurt and be so sad and even more jealous and to need someone to talk to and who will listen. I am now a better lister with more empathy and compassion than I was pre-infertility.
I could not imagine my life, or path to motherhood being anything different than what it has been. I am not simply trying to be positive and optimistic. I honestly believe that I am a different and better person for having struggled with infertility for so many years. Enduring fertility issues is hard, and challenging, and often heart-wrenching. When I was right in the midst of it all there is no way I could have found anything positive about the experience other than the chance to have a child. As I look back I really do appreciate the impact that it had on my life – all of it, the good and bad helped shape who I am today, and ultimately how I will raise my children and the kind of people they will become.
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