I don’t have many strong recollections of much that happened during my IVF cycle, but my husband reminds me constantly of one particular aspect of the treatment that had me very worried. At my clinic they bring you in on the day of retrieval and get you settled and drugged all the while allowing your partner to be in the room holding your hand and offering comfort and support. That is all fine and dandy, but apparently I was very worried that they would forget about my husband’s role in the conception and wouldn’t call him back to produce his sample. Before the procedure I asked repeatedly if they needed him and then afterward while pretty incoherent continued to ask every person I came across (nurse, doctor or even other patients) if they remembered to get my husband’s sperm. My husband, a jokester, will re-tell the story and his impression of my panic and uncouth way of asking is pretty funny.
If I am being honest, until my babies were born (looking exactly like my husband) I don’t think I quite believed that my eggs were fertilized with his sperm. I really have no clue what I thought was going to happen – maybe I assumed that they were padding their success rates and using super sperm, who knows. What I do know, though, is that at the root of that pretty unfounded fear is a real concern that arises with IVF and other fertility treatments. The moment of conception when undergoing IVF is very odd and the whole process can test even an innately naive person’s trust. From the beginning you have to put a lot of trust into your doctor’s words – his declaration that you need the expensive fertility treatments, trust that they are doing everything they can to help you conceive, and most importantly trust that they are knowledgeable and responsible and competent in this whole thing that you know very little about.
As is our way, throughout my pregnancy my husband and I joked that if by chance they did use the “wrong” sperm we would have the best of both worlds. We would have the babies we always wanted and would love no matter what and mega bucks from a lawsuit against our clinic! I guess, for us, that is the best way to deal with the complete loss of control, the fear and anxiety of literally putting all your eggs in one basket (financially, emotionally and physically), and the overwhelming emotions that IVF brings to the surface – with humor and a strong relationship.
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