Throughout the course of my infertility struggles I felt as though I was constantly peeing on sticks! Whether a test for ovulation or a home pregnancy test, it seems that at every time of the month there was some reason that I would need to hold a little plastic stick in my urine stream and wait for results. The ovulation testing in particular, posed a number of problems. The recommended testing time is in the afternoon, right about the time I am at work with people all around and no real private bathroom time. I work in a unique environment with all employees in one room and a shared bathroom that everyone can see you going in and out of. Once I started using clomid especially, I had to be diligent in tracking when and if ovulation was occurring which meant I had to find a time to test no matter the work difficulties.
When it became time to test I would stock my purse, upon leaving for work, with the digital tester and the test strip inserts. During the day I would watch the clock and always have an eye on when it would be time to pee. If I had to “go” after lunch I forced myself to hold it knowing that ideally I would have “stored up” for four hours. When the magic hour finally hit I would take my purse into the bathroom (looking very odd for our casual workplace) and put the test kit together and begin the wait. Inevitably, I would begin to feel conspicuous and I would shove it back into the wrapper before what seemed like an interminable wait was up and put it back in my purse (gross, I know). Then, I would go back to my desk and continue to look at it until the smiley face or empty circle finally showed up telling me what was up with my body and ovulation. If I ever actually did get a little smiley face (the sign on the digital test that I used that indicated impending ovulation,) I would be so excited that you would think it was a positive pregnancy test.
Speaking of, this torturous game also applied to home pregnancy tests. Not so much at work, but at home definitely. I would wake up at 4:00 AM on the day that I thought could be construed as “late” and would have a lengthy internal debate with myself. I never could decide if I should wait to wake and urinate at a more reasonable time so I could finally get my positive at a decent hour and share the happy news with my husband or take it when I was up and had to pee and strictly go by the first morning urine rule. Of course, in the midst of this debate I would also be giddy thinking that it was an excellent sign that I even had to pee since that was sure to be just one more “symptom” of what was certainly early pregnancy. It never ended up being like I imagined in my head – it always ended up negative and then I was up at the crack of dawn wide awake from squinting at the test and trying to make a second line appear or the word “not” disappear. My husband awoke many times to be crying yet again over a negative test or sometimes even a positive ovulation test when I knew we wouldn’t even be in the same zip code on THE days.
As I do with most things, I eventually began to make light of the whole ovulation kit, home pregnancy test situation. I told co-workers who I was especially close with about the necessity of testing for ovulation and why I was hogging the bathroom and would make incessant jokes about the “pee pee dance” I had to often do to make it until 2:00. Because, as heartbreaking and often humiliating as the situation is, there indeed are funny moments. Like when a friend asked to borrow a pen and I pulled out a used test and handed it to her before I realized what it was; or when my husband found me digging through the trash to re-check a test one more time and I (in vain) tried to convince him that I was not insane while collapsing into a serious giggle fit over my ridiculousness. We do what we have to do and in the case of these tests whether medically or just for our sanity, we really do have to test!
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