These ideas are from www.miscarriagesupport.org.nz
Things to do
~Contact is important. Be there if possible, but if not, ring or write. Whatever the person is feeling, they deserve to have their feelings supported by people around them.
~A hug or arm around her shoulders is comforting.
~Understand that her tears are a healthy response and should never be discouraged. Having a box of tissues handy is helpful.
~Let her do the talking. Be the passive partner who asks questions and focus on certain points to help her talk about her feelings. It is sufficient to just listen.
~Tell her how you feel about her losing the baby and how sorry you are.
~Acknowledge her pain even if you think you would not react this way in this situation.
~Ask questions about her experience, how she is really feeling and what she is thinking about.
~When you ask her partner how she is doing, don’t forget to ask him how he is.
~Encourage her to be patient and not to impose ’shoulds’ on herself. – grieving takes time~Reassure them they did everything they could and it wasn’t their fault – it helps alleviate their guilt.
~Grieving is a physically exhausting process and she will probably need to sleep or rest during the day. Take whatever steps necessary to give her the uninterrupted peace to do this.
~The intensity of grief fluctuates. During less tearful times a change of scenery is appreciated.
~Do something practical such as hanging up the washing/shopping or offer to take around a meal.
~Put on soothing music for her to listen to, offer a back massage, a walk on the beach. When she feels ready, take her to a movie of her choice.
~If you are seriously worried about her behaviour, seek professional advice. As a rule of thumb, as long as she is not damaging herself, another person or property, you probably don’t have anything to worry about.
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