That is an exact quote from my husband when he was told what he could have done to help correct his male factor infertility. Let me start by saying my husband and had been very patient and understanding when I asked him if he would join me in getting tested, and treated, for infertility. He dealt with everything like a champ, although most of the time we probably wished we were the type of people who could have been happy living childless.
My husband has large enough varicolceles that the doctor was able to detect them from sight and palpation. The two of them had a good laugh at how lucky he was that they found the issue right off. I didn’t think it was as funny, but at least we had more insight into why we were having difficulty conceiving. When the doctor explained that some men have be diagnosed using ultrasounds or dye and x-rays I started to understand why he felt my husband was one of the “lucky ones”.
When the doctor asked us to produce semen samples for testing my husband started to become uneasy. But being the great guy that he is, he went along with it because he knew that it would help us have a baby. I think I’ll always remember the look on his face when he handed the brown paper bag to the lab technician. He looked like he was going to vomit or faint. The worst part came when she asked him what it was and what testing we needed to order. At that point I think he mouthed the response so I stepped up and gave the woman the details.
After having two semen analyses come back with the same results, low sperm count and poor motility, we needed to start deciding what to do next. Our doctor knew that our insurance wasn’t willing to pay for much, actually almost none, so he talked with us about our options. He started my husband on some medicine to see if that would help. After taking it for a month his sperm count and sperm motility didn’t improve. It was then that the doctor told us surgery was the best option.
The doctor explained to use that there are three types of varicocelectomy- surgical ligation, embolization, and laparoscopy. Our doctor felt that the best of the three, and the one our insurance might pay part of, was performing the surgical ligation as an out patient procedure. When the doctor explained that a 2-3 inch incision would be made in my husband’s groin so the surgeon would locate and fix the veins we both looked at each other with wide eyes. When my husband came out of shock he proceeded to tell the doctor that, “when the devil wears a tutu I might consider having elective groin surgery”. The doctor told us to go home and “discuss it” and to “sleep on it”.
After discussing the matter at home I realized that I had no right to tell him what to do with his body. I wasn’t too sure how I’d feel if I was told surgery was the only fix for me. I knew I’d be mad at my husband if he tried to tell me what I should do to my body to have children. As much as I wanted him to agree to have the surgery, I accepted his choice. He felt adoption would be a better choice and I thought we’d continue to do infertility treatments on me and see if something could happen despite his low sperm count.
From that experience we learned that it is okay to agree to disagree. We found a neutral ground to work on and moved forward on that. They have just as much of a right to say what happens to their body as you do, even if it isn’t the choice you would make. Just know that if your spouse isn’t willing to try something they aren’t trying to upset you or deny you the family you want. They love you and want a child too, just not an extra scar.